If 2020 was to be classified as a movie, it would fall under the category of Horror and Tragedy. This year was definitely a hell of a year; full of ups and downs, pandemics, lockdown, deaths, inflation, hunger, loneliness and depression.

Many lost their loved ones. Some lost their businesses, their investments, their life savings.

Almost everyone lost something or someone precious this year.

Some have recovered, some are recovering, but there are those, who are still in grief, not because they enjoy grieving, but they just do not know how to come out of it.

As humans, our first impulse to the loss of a loved one is to cry bitterly, and experience pain and sorrow. Crying is good, and sometimes, healthy, but when it should only be a temporal reaction and not a permanent mood or temperament.

Many have lost hope of ever recovering from the grief they are experiencing presently; many have lost faith and the courage to move on, irrespective of the evils around them.

Maybe you fall into that category, or you know someone who falls into into that category, cherish this post, it will go a long way to helping you.

STEPS TO BREAKING OUT OF INNER HURT AND GRIEF

1. IDENTIFY THE ROOT CAUSE OF THE GRIEF:

Sometimes, engaging in a self-evaluation goes a long way in helping us come out of the shell of grief. Why exactly are you grieving? Who are you grieving? What are you grieving? The loss of a loved one? Poverty? Loss of Business opportunities? Identify the root cause of your grief, identify the root cause of your pain.

2. LET GO!

This is where the real battle lies in. There are people who know why they are grieving; they know they’ve lost a loved one, but they just can’t let him go.

They keep holding on to past memories and experiences with the one who they have lost. They imagine living with the lost one still present.

Some even sleep every night, meditating on the image and person of the lost loved one. One of the common mistakes people make in grief is that they blame themselves for the loss.

“If only I was there on time”… ‘If only I had enough money…’ they blame themselves for the loss. It’s time to man up and stop acting in such childish manner. It is childish to blame yourself for things that were beyond your control in the name of grief.

Let go, and move on. No amount of tears would ever bring that person back; no amount of tears would bring that business back; no amount of imagining would bring the late back.

It would only give you a false and unreal experience with the imaginative figment of that person.

These are hard truths I allowed to sink into my heart when I found myself slipping into anguish and pain. You can never be liberated from pain until you let these hard truths break those chains.

Let go! Let go of that past memory! He has left you, to join the immortals in the world beyond this world, you should equally leave him, by moving on with life.

3. ENOUGH OF THE PITIES

This doesn’t mean you totally forget about him, it just means you are strong enough to live life meaningfully, with or without him.

Sympathy and consolation is very important at the initial stage of grieving a loss. When others sympathize with us, it has a way of making us feel we are not alone in the pain we bear.

It helps us understand we are not alone in the grief we are experiencing.

But you can’t keep getting sympathies and pities weeks and months after your loss! You cannot afford to allow this.

As innocent as they might be, when allowed for too long, they form a dark, moody temperament in us.

A temperament that expects only pity from people; a temperament that wishes to display pain and grief so as to earn the sympathies of onlookers; a temperament that only draws close to those who can show pity on it!

This temperament will obscure your vision, destroy your creativity and clog your potentials!

It is the temperament that will render you emotionally unstable and mentally imbalanced.

Change your atmosphere. Surround yourself with creative thinkers.

Read books that will stir up hope and clarity of vision, and not poems that make you more depressed.

Delete those songs of hurt from your mobile phone.

Get your gadget filled with bright songs of optimism and love; start seeing the world from a more optimistic view.

3. DEVELOP FRESH, HEALTHY HABITS

Eat well. Medical research has shown that one’s habits have a high influence on ones disposition, whether melancholic or cheerful.

Develop habits that are healthy to both your body, mind and soul. Eat well; go on a walk at sunrise.

Develop the habit of ever confessing positiveness. Develop the habit of hanging out with intelligent friends and engaging in sound discussions with them.

Lastly, I want you to know that you can do all these and still feel the tinges of grief.

They do not eliminate grief; they do not remove grief, but they remove you from the grief. Do them consistently, and turn your world turn colorful again.

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Before wrapping this up, let me show you something from the Holy Bible which will definitely be helpful to you.

2 Samuel 12:15-20

¹⁶ David prayed to God for the baby. David fasted and went into his house and stayed there, lying on the ground all night. 

¹⁷ The elders of David’s family came to him and tried to pull him up from the ground, but he refused to get up or to eat food with them.

¹⁸ On the seventh day the baby died. David’s servants were afraid to tell him that the baby was dead..

¹⁹ When David saw his servants whispering, he knew that the baby was dead. So he asked them, “Is the baby dead?” They answered, “Yes, he is dead.”

²⁰ Then David got up from the floor, washed himself, put lotions on, and changed his clothes. Then he went into the Lord’s house to worship. After that, he went home and asked for something to eat. His servants gave him some food, and he ate.

Bathsheba had put to birth, a lovely, bouncing baby boy for King David, a baby which came as a result of David’s mistake.

At birth, this baby boy was probably strong and energetic, full of so much potential, but days later, he became weak.

The little baby fell sick. The sickness was so serious, that David went on a fast to plead for mercy on the baby’s life.

Imagine how the King felt, seeing that baby, emaciating and slipping away from life daily. He must have loved that baby greatly, for him to have fasted and prayed fervently for the baby’s life. Yet, the baby died.

Despite the fasting, and the prayers, and the weeping in the church, crying to God to save his child, the child still died.

How do you think David should have felt? Depressed. Sad. Angry at God for taking his baby. Losing faith in prayers and fasting. The ordinary man would have felt these.

But not David; David was a man with a mighty inner strength to bear the greatest of disappointments.

As soon as he heard of the news of his child’s death, instead of lamenting and seeking sympathy, he washed his hands, worshiped the Lord and went to eat.

This is one of the greatest Bible paradoxes I have ever read. One thing we learn from it, is that in all things, we must give thanks to God. In pain and in pleasure, in the hills and in the valleys, in all things, we must give thanks to God!

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.

Shalom!