Going to church on Sundays for most people, is to give absolute praise and worship to God for his blessings throughout the week.
It is to also listen to the Word of God that will sustain them for the week to come.
But for some people like me, going to church on Sunday is like going to a fashion show to to impress people especially girls, with new clothes and a cute face.
For people like me, it is a day to dress gorgeously, sit in the front seat where the choir girls would see us and get charmed them with our incredible sense of fashion and dancing skill.
This Sunday morning, I painstakingly selected the clothes I would be wearing to church. I wanted to go for native attire as usual, but eventually opted for corporate wear since it was the first Sunday of the month.
So I wore the black flannel trousers I had bought the previous day, a white long sleeves shirt and a green blazer that stuck to my skin like boiled okra and I also spotted my “fake but looked real” Rolex wristwatch.
After dressing up, I checked myself in the mirror, I really love what I saw. From my newly shaved hair cut, to my little make up of powder and lip gloss to avoid my lips from getting dried and finally to my cooperate attire.
“Sweet Boy… Those choir girls go take am” I muttered to myself as I briskly walked to church.
When I got to church, I was welcomed by the Hospitality members who were at the front of the gate. They repeatedly said to me, “You are welcome to church. Have a nice service ahead” out loudly.
I walked past them to the church premises not without giving that killing smile of mine to Deborah, one of my crushes in the church’s hospitality unit. She smiled back.
Guess she fell for my charm!
While going inside the church, I noticed two pretty looking girls pointing at me and smiling.
“Ah! Service never start beautiful girls don dey fall for me” I uttered to myself.
A beautiful usher a beautiful smile plastered on her face directed me to sit in the second row because the front seats were already occupied.
That wasn’t bad because the choir girls would still see me and I would be able charm some of them.
I sat beside two pretty ladies.
Both of them rocked tight black trousers that revealed their body shapes and curves, and black blazers on top of their long white sleeves that made them looked poised, confident and also beautiful.
“Na this kind thing Dem make man sin on Sunday morning ooo” I said within myself and laughed at my own silly jokes.
“Let us get ready to give the Lord praise for he deserves to be glorify” came a lovely voice that sound familiar.
I looked at the podium and it was her. My first crush in the choir, “Stella”. I made sure we made eye contact. She smiled at me and I smiled back feeling happy.
“Guess my charm also work on her”
When the praise began, just like every other people stared dancing to the rhythm of the praise song.
But I noticed that few minutes into the dance, the people behind me started muttering something among themselves while hailing and applauding me tumultuously. Meanwhile, those at my front were least concerned about what was happening.
Immediately, I thought that my backside was doing more wonders and getting me more attention from beautiful girls than my frontside.
So I decided to turn my backside to every direction so I could gain the attention of more beautiful ladies in the church hall.
Immediately I started doing that, murmuring and laughter erupted in the church hall. One of the ladies beside me tapped my shoulder but I was so carried away in my “showing of backside” that I didn’t respond to her.
“If you see me dance, I dance like a winner man oo…” the choir chorused.
My dancing went wild as that song began. I danced with all my energy, twisting, twerking, only to get an uproar of mocking laughter from the congregation.
A hand tapped me from behind, and I looked back, but it was a brother trying to tell me something so I ignored him and continued my dancing.
“it is beautiful girls i respond to not some ugly looking church niggas” I said within myself.
I also noticed that almost all the choir girls were staring at me and laughing.
“Wow… I guess I have been doing wonderful with my backside making me to get all their attention.” I grinned and continued dancing.
Few seconds later, a male usher approached me and told me to looked at my trousers.
It was then I noticed that my trouser was torn at the crutch point and since I had gone to church without putting on any underwear, my thing was in full view. It swung helplessly while I danced.
As soon as I saw my kokoro in full view, my mind went blank and my expression went from happiness to shock. I wished the Earth would open its mouth and eat me up.
I stood still, my eyes scanning the floor. I got scared of lifting it up to meet the numerous eyes that were already fastened on me.
“Wait! You means this is how I came to church this morning?” a voice within me scoffed.
Immediately, without taking my Bible, I dahed out of the church and ran home like someone being chased by an evil spirit.
I went to church to impress girls not knowing that I will get disgraced and like this.
Hope you didn’t see anybody running like a mad man in coopreate attire while coming from church today? 😂😂
About the Author. Adewale S. Adekunle is a short story writer, Sociologist and Bible teacher based in Nigeria.
KOINONIA ART 