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In relationships discipline must be first, love must be second.

That’s why even though some of our parents were not exactly head-in-the-clouds happy, in their marriages, especially in the first decade, the home was never broken, and now at least, they are friends in their older ages.

In our generation, I fear we have turned priority on its head. And because social media has abounded, the common sense of many has waxed cold, or has become absent; so many empty but forceful philosophies, whereas the truth remains the truth, seated like a gentleman, beckoning to any who yearns for wisdom, to come for the best wine.

Other wines do run out, 6 months into marriage, 2 years thereinto, 13 years …Some even 25 years.

Whether 3 months or 30 years, break ups are sad. Some are expedient. Many? Accumulation of bad choices, ignorance, and a few are due to pure wickedness

Some people are wicked, but most are simply flawed, people behave foolishly at times, making foolish and costly mistakes.

Forgiveness is hard

• Because hurts are deep from people you truly love
• Because heartfelt repentance is rare,

And sometimes too late, because taking people who are close to you for granted is a common expression of foolishness. Yet forgiveness is key. It is not foolishness. It does not always mean staying together, but where there is genuine repentance…that’s what it means.

Not only is forgiveness key, but appreciation also. In fact, just as prevention is better than cure, heartfelt appreciation is better than forgiveness.

Say thank you to your husband or wife; say it and mean it.

If she is the one supporting the family and paying the bills, appreciate her well from time to time. If your ego is too big for that, you are too small to be a man.

• Help her out.

• Be there for her.

• Even if she is not working, and is always with the children. Please appreciate her.

People often like to quote the verse that says he that cannot provide for his household is worse than an infidel. Money is important, but there’s more to being a man than financial provision. Many men abound whose families lack nothing when it comes to money, but who are he-goats and have no ounce of father or husband in them. They’re;

• Never there for their families,
• Distant or indifferent.
• Philandering or violent. Yet financially able. Those are proper infidels.

Be a man to her and be a father to your children. Spiritually, emotionally, financially and physically. If you can’t go on vacation, take walks. If you can’t yet go to disney world, play ludo with your family. If you can’t buy her a diamond ring, buy her something. She will appreciate it.

People are not machines. Even machines need servicing. Oil the wheel of your relationship and it will weather the storm. Don’t only do this on birthdays or when you have goofed or upset your partner. Make your ordinary special and specialness. will be your ordinary experience.

Wives appreciate your husbands too;

Go out of your way to apologize, and the best apology is to not do the same thing over and over again. Saying sorry and doing the same thing tomorrow is a way of taking people for granted
The axe may forget but the tree remembers. People get tired and give up; little cracks of ingratitude lead to the great break up of divorce; little hurts overlooked and repeated lead to the gaping wound of bitter resentment

In the West, it is divorce; in Africa, they still live together, but the marriage is long dead and buried.
You can dress a little wound with plaster, but a fracture requires much more.

Human love is tantalizing, but it is fickle; It can turn to hatred over time. Long-lasting inexorable hatred and it’s not that the person is a bad person, they have just been deeply hurt

What you say about a person after a break up is the test of if you ever truly loved, painting him or her black, running them down, and trying to destroy their reputation.

Sure, if the person was a predator, it’s good to sound a loud and clear warning; but don’t do stuff out of hatred and vindictiveness.

Sometimes, break-ups are necessary, and all part of the plan; and you don’t stay in a toxic relationship in the name of discipline. That is no more discipline. It is sacrifice; burnt offering.

Sometimes, breaks up happen, and you have to move on.

But you can ruin the next phase and be disqualified for the next place because of how you handled the last one. You may fail to realise the next person because you have used the last person to blacklist all men, or all women. You may become suspicious, distrustful, noncommittal, and irritable; ruining every chance at being happy with someone else.

No one ever moved forward by looking back. Practice the art of healing, and I know none better than complete forgiveness because God through Christ Jesus has forgiven you.

Ebele UzoPeters